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Tour Log: May 24th

Featured poetry by Troy Teegarden

Jackasses

Occassionally there are jackasses who bring their boats to the dock. Lots of people do this but they're not all jackasses. You can always tell a jackass by the size of his motor. The creek is small.

They fly up and down the creek disturbing the turtles and almost knocking over my customers. i like my customers. i don't like jackasses.

Other jackasses rev their motors full blast and leak oil into the creek, turning the sky smoke blue. i don't like them either.

Often i consider letting the air out of their tires. But then I'd have to listen to them bitch.

Today i saw a jackass come flying by in his big motor boat tearing up the creek. There was a turtle on his usual log chillin in the sun. i watched and waited for the turtle to jump into the creek and be destroyed by the jackass and his motor.

He didn't jump.
i like that turtle.
He has balls.

My soon to be wife comes here sometimes. She's usually over-dressed and i worry about her getting dirty. If she stays and we talk, i leave work early.

She works for The State answering telephones and taking calls about delinquent nurse aids and dysfunctional child care centers. One time she told me a story about a call she took.

"It was Paul and Matthew and some kid whose name I don't know. Anyway Paul had this idea that they should take turns sucking each other's pee-pees so they did. Some other kid watched because he was too scared to join in and then he told the teacher 'they were kissing each other's pee-pees.' The teacher didn't think it was too important so she didn't tell the parents. Somehow they just found out. I think it was maybe when this one little girl told this little boy to pull his pants down and then she started licking and kissing on his pee-pee and he got scared and told the teacher. The teacher didn't think it was too important. So he told his parents."

i guess his parents called my soon to be wife at The State.

i always ask her how the days was and it usually sucked. She spends her mornings in the bathroom puking because she's having my child. She especially hates puking orange juice so she quit drinking it. i really like it.

Other times she goes into the bathroom and falls asleep in the stall on the toilet seat. i wonder if anyone misses her.

"Society of Underground Poets" airs weekly at 11 PM on Sunday night on 89.9 FM.

Reflections Along the Elkhorn is available through Sweet Lady Moon Press for $3.00. Stovepipe: A Journal of Little Literary Value is $2.00. Both publications are also available at Poor Richard's Books in Frankfort, Kentucky.

Troy Teegarden can be contacted through Sweet Lady Moon Press, PO Box 1076, Georgetown, KY 40324 or by e-mail: tteegar0@gtc.geargetown.ky.us.